This one is a Canadian one

Bob & Doug MacKenzie's Twelve Days of Christmas

Quote:
The Hoser: The Twelve Days Of Christmas
       
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
a beer...

Okay, everyone's been asking for it, so here it is, our Twelve Days Of Christmas. We're gonna sing it now...
Bob        Okay, good day, this is our Christmas part of the album, and you can play this at your Christmas parties, uh, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's nothing else to do.
Doug        Good day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part!
Bob        Oh, I guarantee ya, you'd be on. Okay, so, good day, this is the Christmas part, and, we're gonna tell you what to get, uh, your true love for Christmas.
Doug        Look out the window!
Bob        Where?! Whadda ya doing?
Doug        Snow, hosehead.
Bob        Wha? Oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing, cause it's Christmas time. Hey, hoser!
Doug        What?
Bob        Here's a quiz. Quiz for Doug.
Doug        Okay, I have my thinking touque on.
Bob        Yeah, right. What are the twelve days of Christmas? Cause, figure it out, right. Christmas is when?
Doug        Uh, the 25th.
Bob        Right, and what's the 24th, Christmas Eve, right? So, that's two. And then, what's after that?
Doug        Um... Uh, Wrestling Day.
Bob        No. Get out.
Doug        Boxing Day, yeah, yeah.
Bob        That's three. Then what's after that? Nothing.
Doug        New Year's.
Bob        Four. And what's...
Doug        New Year's Eve.
Bob        Five. Where do you get twelve?
Doug        Uh... There's two Saturdays and Sundays in there, that's four. That's nine. And, three other days, which I believe are the mystery days.
        (Music starts.)
Bob        Okay now. This is our Christmas song, in case you don't know what to get somebody for Christmas.
Doug        There's lots of ideas in here, so, listen, and don't get stuck.
Bob        Okay.
Doug        By the way, that's me on the organ.
Bob        Aw, geez.
Doug        You start.
Bob        Okay. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a beer.
Doug        On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: two turtlenecks,
Bob        And a beer. (Okay...) On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French toast,
Doug        Two turtlenecks,
Bob        And a beer. (Okay...)
Doug        There should be more there, eh?
Bob        Where? On the... go.
Doug        Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: four pounds of backbacon,
Bob        Three French toast,
Doug        Two turtlenecks,
Bob        And a beer.
Doug        In a tree. See, you need more.
Bob        Fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: five golden touques!
Doug        Four pounds of backbacon,
Bob        Three French toast,
Doug        Two turtlenecks,
Bob        And a beer, what was it?
Together        In a tree!
Bob        Okay, on the sixth... go.
Doug        Of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six packs of two-four,
Bob & BG Singers        Five golden touques!
Doug        Four pounds of backbacon,
Bob        Three French toast,
Doug        Two turtlenecks,
Bob        And a beer,
Together        In a tree!
Bob        Okay.
Doug        Okay.
Bob        On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: seven packs of smokes,
Doug        (Nice gift...) Oh, six packs of two-four! (BG Singers also sing "nice gift".)
Bob & BG Singers        Five golden touques!
Doug        Four pounds of backbacon,
Bob        Three French toast,
Doug        Two turtlenecks,
Bob        And a beer,
Together        In a tree!
Bob        Right, I keep forgetting.
Doug        Phew! This should just be the two days of Christmas, it's too hard for us!
Bob        Um...
Doug        Go, hoser.
Bob        Oh.
Together        Eigth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Doug        Eight comic books,
All        Seven packs of smokes, six packs of two-four,
        (Bob and Doug become unsynchronized with the BG Singers, and quit singing.)
BG Singers        Five golden touques! Four pounds of backbacon, three French toast, two turtlenecks,
All        And a beer,
Doug        On my tree!
Bob        Yeah. That beer's empty. Okay. Day,
BG Singers        Twelve!
Bob        Uh, twelve.
Doug        Good day, and welcome to day twelve.
BG Singers        Five golden touques!
All        Four pounds of backbacon, three French toast, two turtlenecks, and a beer, in a tree!
Bob        Beauty, eh?
Doug        Where'd you learn to do that?
Bob        Uh, albums.
Doug        Boy. So, like, that's our song, Merry Christmas...
Bob        Merry Christmas!
Doug        And good day!
Bob        Good day, everybody. Happy New Year, too. Sheesh. Okay, you know what you left out?
Doug        What?
Bob        Donuts - I told you to get me donuts! Either on the ninth day or the tenth day, or the eleventh day, I wanted donuts!
Doug        Okay, the song's over.
Bob        But I want...
Doug        Merry Christmas, everybody!
Bob        Or on the twelfth day, you coulda got me a dozen donuts.
Doug        So, go out to the stores, and get some presents.
Bob        You coulda gone down to, like, the good donut shop, where if you buy a dozen, you get another one free, and then thirteen for the thirteen days of Christmas.
Doug        Well, next Christmas, I'll get me a chainsaw...
Bob        Take off!
Doug        Boy, that song was a beauty. It moved me...
Bob        Yeah, I think it ranks up there with Stairway to Heaven...
Doug        Wha-?
        (Music fades.)